| (no subject) |
[Jun. 20th, 2007|01:53 am] |
things are inevitably volatile, but agreeably so. for instance, i quit smoking cigarettes, which is um MIND BLOWING to me because, as dumb as this sounds, i assosciated life itself with the habit and assumed it would be virtually impossible. not so. and now i get to run around and say things like get away you dirty smoker, and, you can't smoke that filth in my pure and pristine car. oh but it's just a joke. sadly enough, watching movies with smokers is what makes me crave them the most. and alcohol, which i have thusly given up almost entirely, aside from last night, a case in which i really shouldn't have drank at all, because i ended up breaking a beer bottle against a wall on purpose, which was actually a fantasy of mine, and great stress relief. every now and then i'll have a drag and it's just...gross.
i started reading again. a lot. voraciously. recommend: dance dance dance by haruki murakami. infinite jest by david foster wallace, though i haven't finished it. would not really recommend miranda july's new book of short fiction, despite my high hopes from her story published in the new yorker last fall. although i suppose if the contrived and painfully cutesy-delicate-oh-look-at-my-big-eyes-and-curly-hair miranda july aesthetic is your thing...then whatever. i also read a biography on woody allen that was melodramatic but pretty informative. i love woody but i hate him, too. i reckon that's just what he'd want.
i have a rotten toothache
my persian cat got shaved and it changed his outlook on life.
good shit |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 29th, 2007|12:53 pm] |
work was terrible yesterday. as much as i love almost everything about my job, there are a few very important things i do not like and after i get back from vacation i'm finding another one. all the yelling in thai! all the disrespect from the owner, ron, the only mean person there, who is cruel and micromanages everyone at the restaurant because these girls don't stand up for themselves. i'm not a fucking submissive thai woman and apparently he hasn't realized that. i say 'no,' and 'fuck you,' they do not.
also, the heat. it suffocates.
florida suffocates.
it's a beautiful day, though. and i have no obligations. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 19th, 2007|08:01 pm] |
maybe i'm moving to brooklyn. this is both terrifying and neccessary. this is a real 'maybe' and not just the product of daydreaming, though. i'd go as far as to say that i am moving to ny, but exactly where depends entirely on what my friend decides.
saw aris last night. we shot some pool. mackenzie buck's ass was there, too.
i do miss him, but i must must move on.
bought a pair of jeans for the first time in 8 months. what a splurge.
it's been a slow few days. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 18th, 2007|12:21 pm] |
and all you see
is where else you you could be |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2007|03:49 pm] |
fixed the travel situation with brad and now i don't have to drop all my hard-earned savings on three nights in bermuda. we're just going to new york for five days instead. after that we went to burton's and eventually got pulled over at 2:30 am drunk as skunks. officer was nice, however, and we cheerfully left the incident sans handcuffs.
almost got kicked out of back booth for drinking a long island in the photo booth last night. i felt like a douche. why do i go to these places?
i am enjoying being half single, as i am half not single, i suppose. having a sort-of guy that i am sort-of dating is refreshing and entirely new to me. i almost feel bad for not giving much of a shit, but what can i do?
really, though, the weather has been fantastic lately. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 4th, 2007|02:58 am] |
whoa
butterflies in stomach. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 2nd, 2007|02:24 am] |
today i did nothing at all in the afternoon due to fund shortage. my mother got on my nerves...how novel.
watched snakes on a plane. sheer and utter brilliance, i do declare.
sat in sean's driveway and shot the shit for the rest of the night.
i think that i'm lonely and it's obvious. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2007|02:03 pm] |
last night i went to melissa's brithday party with joy and it felt like a genuine ucf college party. her friends seem like nice people, but i couldn't help feeling awkward around them initially.
i met a boy named diego rivera which lead to a long discussion about south america. i think it's because of this class i'm taking, but i really dig south america lately. anyway, diego was cute, but three inches shorter than me.
also, i think i grew an inch or two. how exciting.
i think thailand is going to happen this winter break, provided i find a person to come with me. thailand anyone?
megan |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 30th, 2007|11:05 am] |
went to a gay bar in sanford last night, and the entire time joy, kelsey, and I were enveloped in this really terrible teen slasher movie on the television. it was so bad! i would recommend it to everyone!
two nights ago I tried watching battlefield earth, but it was so bad I couldn't get through it, not good-bad.
anyway this place was fun and I didn't even drink that much since i am cutting back on all the bad things. i can't let myself become a fat, unravelling, emotionally devastated middle-aged woman. or young person. but hey, i drink eight glasses of water a day.
i have to work tonight for the first time in a week. which is fine, considering that i have to make quite a sum this month since it supposedly costs 30 bucks for a meal in bermuda. oh dip!
megan |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 29th, 2007|12:50 am] |
so
i am absolutely drunk.
and apparently i just booked plane tickets to new york and then bermuda with brad.
yeah
its on his debit card for real. i must reimburse him. bless his heart.
hopefully my friend will let us sleep on his couch in new york.
because bermuda was one of the first detinations when we went to jetblue.com.
so now i guess i am going there
i could stand for a british island hot guy
i forgot the crazy shit i do when i am drunk and single. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 13th, 2007|05:32 pm] |
this week has been mildly amusing. aris and i decided to give it another go, which will hopefully turn out well. thus far we have had a single argument which resulted in (gasp!) an actual solution and not a cowardly shrug of my shoulders!
hmmm... we basically decided we need lives of our own as well as lives together. i often make the mistake of completely immersing myself in somebody only to find out a few months later it was a huge mistake.
i have not gotten a job. i have not even looked for job. i started school. not surprisingly, it seems this semester will be another vast excersise in banality. i will probably spend at least forty five minutes of each class looking around the room and making up stories in my head about my classmates. two of my classes are in the same room, so i already have the posters memorized. i had a dream that the girl that sits next to me slept with my boyfriend last night. i woke up angry and convinced it had actually happened, and i was sleeping next to a philandering bastard. it sucked.
hopefully this entry was full of shocking, mind-blowing insight. i never can articulate myself here. maybe it's because i can never think of what to say?
well well oh whatever |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 7th, 2007|04:39 pm] |
single life thus far:
unusual
somewhat crappy
lonely
free
free to take vacation
free to move
getting really drunk
really drunk
all the time
lots of sighs and deep breaths |
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| the break up post |
[Jan. 4th, 2007|11:56 am] |
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i did it, i broke up with him. i feel ill and anxious. keep crying whenever i'm by myself. last night was alright jonathan sean brett made me feel better since they took my mind off of it. but now it's the afternoon and i'm crying again. i guess if britney spears can get over a man i can as well. i'm a tool. |
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| haha |
[Jan. 3rd, 2007|05:34 pm] |
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went out last night with my homegirls kelsey and joy. it turned into drinkandsmokeathon 2007 everything snowballed and somehow i ended up in andrew lacour's kitchen yelling about death. life is hardly predictable. |
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| metaphors |
[Dec. 29th, 2006|06:01 pm] |
if my skin had a zipper, and you opened it up, the emotions would fall out like different types of candy, glimmering little wrappers, tumbling all around me on the floor. some of them would be the good things, the warm gooey things, the fluorescent rainbow things. but another half would be dark, heavy, deceptive, confusing things. ones with shit oozing out of the wrapper. festering boils perched to explode forth from their vile confinement within a wrapper, within a human.
i wonder if i'll do the right thing this time, or if i could ever really learn a lesson. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 26th, 2006|11:15 pm] |
someone come with me to get my tattoo thursday. it's going to hurt. it's going to hurt real bad.
life keeps jamming along, i guess. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2006|05:23 pm] |
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am i what i am, am i what i have idealized secretly and neurotically in my own mind, and what am i to others? i usually harbor thoughts about other people. whether it is positive or negative, i am making some sort of character and personality assessment of whoever i am around. it is bizarre that, in turn, the same thing is happening to me. if there is one thing i can do for myself, a real good thing and not something cheap and momentarily fulfilling, it would be eliminating this unbearable self consciousness. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2006|10:44 am] |
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ryan came home from the army last night and it was really a lovely party. i was toasted and made some more phone calls, what with my class and elegance, i couldn't stand not to. i got a new white shirt that's pretty jazzy but also makes me look like a waiter. wow, i wish i was. i wish i had a job. i feel disoriented having nothing set in stone as far as plans go. what a bore. |
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| megans guide to life version 1.0 |
[Dec. 19th, 2006|12:36 am] |
oh wow, i would absolutely recommend racing go-carts once you are at a sufficient and/or premium level of intoxication and following it with a trip to a half-greek half-normal late night diner.
i would also recommend being truly brash, quitting your job without notice like a sixteen year old girl, and fucking sleeping in for the first time in what might feel like weeks. because, really, there are three thousand other assholes to work and maybe half them aren't as bad as my new manager. it calls for a good satisfactory 'fuck you' block of shut eye.
i would suggest you take a trip to hollywood video and pick up ten vhs tapes for ten dollars, dragging out the old tv tape-player combo and watching some nice random, highly economical nineties cinema. this experience is premium when paired with a a) six pack or b) twelve pack. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2006|10:07 pm] |
i think post office might be my favorite bukowski yet, and i haven't even come close to finishing. his voice is softer, unweathered by so many years, i think. but it's still him. i also picked up some samuel beckett because i haven't read anything really intellectually challenging in a while. i don't think the endless succession of waiting room grocery checkout brain melting tabloids count for much. nor does the newspaper. i do like the crosswords, though.
worked eight hours today and hardly made shit. i guess i made some money, just not what i'm used to. at this rate i'm not going to be able to save the money i thought i would by this summer.
i keep procrastinating with next semester's registration. maybe because school sits in my heart like a little black pebble and my motives for being there at all are questionable. it seems absurd to quit now, though. i wanted to quit high school. but i didn't. and now i'm glad that i didn't. hopefully i'll hold this hindsight in the future hindsight. oh that doesn't make sense as a sentence.
yeah yeah yeah thats it. |
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